It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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