My Higher Power is John Stamos
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There's a naked man in my car right now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
