Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
