Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
