I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
