i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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