I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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