I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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