dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
