I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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