so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
