soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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