"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
