dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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