I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
