Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
