Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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