Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
