Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
