you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
