omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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