Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
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