you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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