omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
