Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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