Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
