brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
