I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
