Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
