he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize