just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
