I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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