If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
