On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
