I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
