I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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