I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
