Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize