I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
