i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
