im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
