I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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