filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
