The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize