i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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