When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
