not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
not ubering you a puppy
did i just pee glitter
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
