Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(406): View more from Montana

Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left

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(269): View more from Michigan

You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?

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(425): View more from Washington

I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.

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