I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My liver just had a heart attack.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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