yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
