i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
