If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
