remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
