I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
