youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
