I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
