Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
