I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
