well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
