If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
