so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize