She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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