ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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