you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
