So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
