If i come over, it means nothing
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize