At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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