Only a mothe r could love this liver
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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