Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
