I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
