i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize