(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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