and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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