we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
