i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
