we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
