I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize