I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
