just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
