She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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