Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
