why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Naked. naked and bneed help.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
