small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
