What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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