I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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