So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
