I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
