Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
