tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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