Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
