I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
