my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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