This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
