This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
