Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
