Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
