so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
