Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
