She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
