everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
