In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
