I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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