There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
